You wouldn't believe the confusing message someone impersonating you
left on my answering machine. I need to remember to erase it
before it winds up humiliating you for the rest of your life on some
website. Fortunately, I've developed a method of decoding your
garbled and muffled message by means of state of the art technology
employing delayed and frequency altered feedback in combination with
Edinburgh de-masking developed by Dr. Bablefish. After
spending long hours into the night processing your message with my
computer and electronic circuit boards this is what I heard:
I wish to apologize to you for that confusing message on your
answering machine. I assure you it will not occur again.
I don't know what came over me in that absolutely stupid response
you heard on it. It must have been someone else. It's an
absolute embarrassment to me. Would you kindly erase it.
Lest it follow me the rest of my life published in .mp3 format on
some website somewhere. After someone finds the tape you've
thrown out in the garbage.
In your phone call to me, you requested some background history on
the NSP since '92. In compliance with your request, I am in
the process of initiating a contact with John Albach. I have
every expectation that he will assure me personally that he is at
your service and will be responsive to any and all questions you may
have of him. And will not be bound and gagged in any way from
responding to a direct and frank examination.
Further, I am about to proceed with an examination of our officers
to determine any bindings upon them that have not been disclosed to
our membership. Or on any of our former officers. If I
find any, I personally will be outraged and seek to know why.
And why they've been hidden. I intend to be the *first* to get
to the bottom of this matter. Indeed, feel free to ask *me* if
I have been bound and gagged.
I assure you the documents you
have requested to examine will be produced in their entirety and to
your full satisfaction. And that they will be intact..
[undecodable muffled cries]
.. I assure you the officers
involved are attentive to me and moving on my instructions to them
with dispatch. And without any evasion whatever. If you
wish, please feel free to have our officers ..
[more muffled cries]
.. And it is my pleasure to grant
you this exclusive Honor because I know you will not abuse it.
Geoffrey, your reputation precedes you and I can only describe what
I've heard from our officers about you as "stellar".
[unable to decipher – too
.. We have absolutely nothing to
hide. We are proud of our record and welcome your interest.
In fact, I feel personally honored that you called me with it.
Please do not hesitate one moment from doing so again. I
am at your service sir. It was good to hear from you Geoffrey.
It made my day.
p.s: Geoffrey, may I helpfully suggest you buy one of the newer
digital answering machines that are available today for less than
$15. Rather than continuing with an obviously antiquated
machine continually on the fritz. It seems like such a waste
to see you spending hours of that brilliant mind of yours each time
trying to decode every message. And please accept my
compliments to you on your deciphering abilities. What you
decoded is *exactly* what I said.
Would you also be so kind as to read this message from me to our
group out there tonight. I am making this request of you
directly. I sense my reputation to be on the line here.
And will not allow this request to you to be countermanded. By
anyone. For I wish to make it clear to all as to how I stand
on this. And that we are responding immediately to you and
with a salute. I intend to fully protect our reputation.
Perhaps you might also do me the honor of publishing my message to
you on that website of yours. Your humor and reminisces have
warmed all our hearts here.
"Sail on!" Geoffrey. Keep
up the good work.